A Closed Letter to People Who Read Open Letters

The letter is here.

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You Won’t Believe The Crazy Poll Questions On This Website

Isn’t it great when a friend shares a link to a cool video?

Isn’t it better to have to jump through a hoop or two to finally watch that video?

Well, here’s a tribute to Upworthy.com which always asks a really tough question before they let you watch that inspirational video.

My trip to Antarctica

My first time out of the United States was a trip to Antarctica in 2005. Although I posted pics a long time ago, I just recently made a youtube video of the highlights. Since I visited Africa this year, expect to see a video of that around 2020.

I Have a Shaved Head

It is true. My head is shaved.

Why am I bothering to tell you this? Well, in my hairless travels I have learned that many people don’t know the difference between a shaved head and a bald head. And what, pray tell, is that difference you ask?

I’ll put it this way, it’s like the difference between breaking up with somebody or somebody breaking up with you. You see, I’m the one who broke up with my hair. I’m the reason we parted ways. It just wasn’t working out. She was way too clingy. Unfortunately, she hasn’t moved on. Every three days I have to remind her that it’s over. I wish I didn’t have to, but every scrape with my razor lets her know that I don’t want to be with her anymore.

She is so stubborn.

I suppose one day I might change my mind and give her another chance. If so, I hope she’ll have me back. That would suck if by the time I’m ready to give it another go she has completely lost interest in me and has gone away for good.

Me: “No! Come back! It wasn’t you, it was me. It will be different this time. I swear.”

Her: “Sorry Brandon. You had your chance. I’m seeing someone else now…the inside of your nose.”

Me: “No! You whore!”

Guys do have a relationship with their hair and it’s a lot like having a girlfriend. It starts off great. She’s all over the place. She lets you do whatever you want to her. And then as time goes on, she starts getting distant. You start seeing less and less of her. Eventually you have to replace her, with hair from your butt. OK, maybe the analogy breaks down at that point, but whatever.

I suppose it would be contradictory to my entire premise if I admitted that the reason I began shaving my head in the first place was because my hair was already showing signs of disinterest. So I preemptively broke it off with her. I refuse to be one of those guys who can’t admit that it’s over and pretend that the bathtub ring of follicles around the bottom of the head still qualifies as a healthy hair relationship.

I think I’ve veered away from my original point of contrasting balding from shaving, so I think I’ll stop here before I go on to equate toupees with brothels.

You’re welcome.

My Galapagos Video

Since I’ve blogged here about my trip, I thought I’d post the video I made.