Researcher Claims to Have Found Star Wars Galaxy

Demon Haunted Times from Skeptic magazine Vol. 11 No. 1

DEVON, UK–Amateur astronomer and author, Ham Gransock, says he found the galaxy made famous in the movie Star Wars.

“I believe that the Star Wars galaxy is actually the Milky Way,” stated Gransock at a press conference for his new book, Fingerprints of the Force. “In fact, the evidence points to everything happening right here in our own solar system. For instance, the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter is the remains of the planet Alderaan, destroyed by the Death Star in Episode IV.”

Gransock claims that Earth is Kamino, the water planet shown in Episode II: Attack of the Clones. His book lists the many flood myths of ancient civilizations as corroborating evidence. He believes that ancient people were more in tune with our legendary past.

“Look at the miracles in the Bible,” said Gransock. “Those people were obviously very strong in the Force.” Gransock believes that Mars is actually Tattooine, the home planet of the Skywalker family.

“The twin suns we see in the movie are the Sun and its binary twin, Nemesis, which comes near the Sun every 25-30 million years,” said Gransock. “Frame by frame analysis confirms the orbits are consistent with the Nemesis hypothesis.” Practically every space mystery is touched upon in Gransock’s book.

“The face on Mars appears to be a facsimile of Han Solo’s face frozen in carbonite,” said Gransock, “or perhaps an Imperial Stormtrooper. I’ve gone back and forth on that.”

Gransock has logged thousands of hours watching each movie for clues and has traveled around the world looking for evidence.

“The pyramids of Egypt, if you laid them sideways, bear more than just a striking resemblance to the Imperial Star Cruisers,” remarked Gransock. “I’ve also found remnants from the Death Star in numerous debris piles located just outside of major cities.”

Gransock’s theory challenges mainstream Star Wars galaxy research. Most believe the galaxy is far, far away. Star Wars galaxy researcher, Igor Donnell, cites the prologue to each Star Wars movie as evidence for this consensus.

“It says right there before every movie: ‘A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…'” said Donnell at a recent Star Wars convention. “We are still searching for it. Unfortunately, there will always be cranks like Gransock who give Star Wars galaxy research a bad name.”

Donnell points out that Gransock’s theory does not coincide with many of the statements made by psychic Eugene Casey, posthumously nicknamed the Star Wars psychic, after predicting that a great sign would appear in the 1970s, the decade when Star Wars was released.

“Casey, in Quatrain IV, Trance 23 of July 12th 1952, clearly reveals that the sign has never been seen before. That wouldn’t make sense if it was here all along,” argued Donnell. “Casey also says that ‘the foolish one will lead them away.’ Although that could be a reference to Jar Jar Binks, I believe he was talking about Gransock.”

Not everyone believes that the Star Wars galaxy even exists.

“George Lucas has created a myth that will last forever,” wrote 10-year-old Lily Rose from Colorado in a school paper reviewing Attack of the Clones. Rose has been the target of fierce opposition by Star Wars galaxy researchers since the publication of her review.

“What does she know?” asked Donnell. “She’s just a kid. Contrary to what has been reported in the press, Star Wars galaxy research has not been debunked by Lily Rose.”

Gransock says he ignores all criticism and is already focusing on a new project.

“I would like to find the whip and hat of the famed archeologist Indiana Jones,” revealed Gransock. “Those are valuable artifacts that belong in a museum.”

This entry was posted in Fake News Stories. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s